So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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