He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
