the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Randomize
