Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
