So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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