dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
