my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
