so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
