if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
