Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
