Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
