In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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