He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
