When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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