then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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