Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
