And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
