You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
