we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
