we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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