To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
