That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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