whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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