Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
