my phone needs a breathalizer
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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