This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
