i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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