so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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