im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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