I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize