I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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