I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
