My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I'm really busy with my period
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