she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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