my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
