i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
