Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
