In the future we'll all be gay
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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