We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
