too bad you live with your parents still
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Randomize
