Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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