Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
