So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
