I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
