I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
