I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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