If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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