She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How external is "for external use only"?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
