his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.