I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
My vagina just recognized that song.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.