I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.