He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
