I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
