i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
