I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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