I have demons in me.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
