I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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