Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
