I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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