You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
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The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
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I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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