He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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