He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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