She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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