Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Someone signed my nipple.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
