she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
