So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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