Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
