WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
