If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
