did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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