I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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