So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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