I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
