brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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