I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
