is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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