At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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