He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
