my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
