I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
