The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
