Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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