I accidentally burped into my bong.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
