her vagine was all disorganized.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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